


hold you close in the night (in the dark be your light)

by cryptidkidprem



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: And softness, F/F, Nightmares, Sleepy Cuddles, and of course the central theme in all my writing: trust and vulnerability, lots of softness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-11 02:02:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15962327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryptidkidprem/pseuds/cryptidkidprem
Summary: Renee has come so far and is always so strong, sometimes Allison forgets how much hurt she has in her past until she's face-to-face with it in the middle of the night.





	hold you close in the night (in the dark be your light)

**Author's Note:**

> this started as a response to prompt i got on tumblr a long ass time ago, and while i really liked the concept behind it, i always thought the writing was uh Severely lacking. so in an attempt to break out of some wr*ters bl*ck, i rewrote it, and just to uh hop out of my creative comfort zone and hopefully get some more Writing Juices flowing i switched up the tense (i usually only write in past, so writing in present was weird)
> 
> i just feel like as a fandom everyone collectively forgets that renee has trauma in her past too just because she's further along in her recovery than some of the other foxes. but it's still There. she went thru hell at like 10 years old?? and i just like the idea of renee showing allison a bit of vulnerability since she's always such a pillar of strength among her friends. she trusts allison with her whole heart y'all
> 
> thnks ilu guys hope u like it ~

It’s one of those lucky nights that Dan’s not in the room. She went to go see Matt earlier, and now it’s the middle of the night and she’s still not back so Allison figures it’s safe to assume she’s not planning on returning tonight.

This means Allison and Renee get the dorm they share with her all to themselves all night long.  And really, that's just a cherry on top of an already spectacular night. 

It had started out with the Foxes winning their home game by a seven-point margin, and ended with Renee’s hands all over Allison, the pair of them kissing each other until the world become a meaningless blur around them and neither one of them were able to remember their own names.

Things have calmed down now, though.  According to the clock Dan keeps on her bedside table, it’s almost two in the morning. Renee is asleep beside Allison, sprawled out on her stomach, one of her arms tucked under her pillow and the other stretched out between herself and Allison. Allison’s feeling pretty close to passing out herself, but Renee’s quite a sight right now and she doesn’t want to stop looking at her.

Back when Renee had first fallen asleep, she’d had her fingers laced between Allison’s, but since then Allison has taken her hand back so she can trace her fingers over Renee’s back. When Dan’s around, Renee sleeps in one of Allison’s old sweatshirts, but since it’s just them tonight, she hadn’t bothered with putting anything back on afterwards. So now Allison’s absolutely blessed with the rare sight of Renee’s bare skin.

It’s not that Renee’s a self conscious person. Far from it, actually. She might not ever completely forgive herself for her past, but she’s definitely always open about it.

What she is shy about is the marks it left on her. Aside for all the scars (thin lines criss-crossing her back, shoulders, arms, left there by knives from rival gangs or even by people in her own circle trying to pick on a little girl who was just trying to survive), she also has some tattoos.

There’re these big wings on her shoulder blades, which, yeah, Allison thinks that’s a pretty cliché idea for a tattoo, but she loves them on Renee because it’s  _Renee_ and Allison loves everything on her body. Renee doesn’t like them very much. She told Allison, the first time Allison saw her topless in close enough quarters that she was really paying attention, that she thinks they’re ugly, that they look more like dragon wings than angel wings thanks to how much she’s grown since she got them.

After working so hard to rebuild herself, Allison thinks she just doesn’t like having physical reminders of who she used to be.

So Allison really, really loves that Renee feels comfortable enough around her to let her see these things. That she can fall asleep, all her scars bare and exposed, and trust Allison with all of that, it’s really nice. It makes her heart feel a way she’s never felt before. 

Allison never really expected to find something like this. This kind of happiness, genuine and easy, is unfamiliar.

Allison traces her thumb as gently as she can over the thin black lines of Renee’s angel wings, watching the moonlight paint delicate patterns on Renee’s light brown skin. Allison doesn’t think they look like dragon wings. Allison only sees angel wings, because she’s pretty sure that Renee Walker is the closest thing humanity’s ever going to get to seeing an actual angel.

She closes her eyes for a second, fighting back a grin. She’s becoming such a sap, honestly. She never had thoughts like that before she started dating Renee. Like, really?  _The closest thing to an actual angel_? God, Renee just does funny things to her heart.

Allison feels Renee shiver slightly under her fingers, and lets her eyelids drift open again. At first it seems like Renee is simply reacting to Allison’s touch, but when Allison gets a good look at her she knows she’s wrong. Renee’s brow is drawn together, and her fingers, loose and flat on top of the sheets just a second earlier, are curled into a tight fist.

Allison has seen Renee’s nightmares before. They’re few and far between, thanks to years of healing, but they still happen. After everything she went through, it’s understandable. Allison’s surprised they don’t happen more. Renee has enough bad memories to haunt someone for two lifetimes. 

Allison never knows what to do when Renee has a bad dream. In the past, Renee has reacted in equally negative ways to being woken and being allowed to sleep through them. There’s no good option, so in the end Allison decides to wake her because the alternative is watching Renee hurt for some indefinite amount of time, and she can’t stand that.

Slowly, cautiously, she pulls her hand away from Renee, and runs her fingers through her hair instead, smoothing her bangs back from her forehead.

“Renee,” she murmurs, as soft and gentle as she can make her voice (which isn’t naturally soft _or_ gentle) sound. It’s not enough, but it’s the best she can do. “Renee.”

Finally, after the second _Renee_ and the third pass-through of her fingers, Renee jolts awake, and then she goes completely still.  Her eyes, although finally open, are wide and completely blank.

She blinks, slowly, and a tremor goes through her entire body. Allison hopes it will shake away that blank look out of her eyes, but it doesn’t.

“Renee,” Allison tries one last time. “It’s just me. It’s Allison. It’s just us.”

She blinked again, and there’s another shudder, but it’s smaller this time. And then, finally, she manages to say, “ _Allison_ ,” almost whisper-quiet.

“Renee, it was just a dream,” Allison reassures her, withdrawing her hand back into her own space. Just in case.

Renee blinks again, like she’s still trying to orient herself in the real world. Before Allison can pull her hand back all the way, Renee rolls onto her side, facing Allison, and catches it in her own. She twines her fingers together with Allison’s, and holds on like Allison’s hand is the only thing keeping her here in this bed. Allison lets her squeeze as tight as she needs, and squeezes back, swallowing back a lump in her throat.

Renee is always so calm in the light of day, so serene and strong. Allison hates seeing her crack like this, hates seeing her _hurt._

“Allison,” Renee repeats, pulling their joined hands close to her lips and holding them there like an anchor, or a prayer.

“Renee, babe.” Allison scoots a little closer to Renee, using her free hand to cup Renee’s cheek. “It was just a dream. There’s nothing to be scared of, okay? I’m right here.”

“I know,” Renee tells her, pursing her lips and giving her head a little nod against her pillow, and then she says it again as she struggles to regain her composure. Allison’s not sure if it’s to reassure Allison or herself.

Renee lets Allison’s hand go, opening her eyes. Allison figures she should give Renee the chance to pull herself together if she wants it. “Do you want me to go, like… Make you some tea or something?” She asks, because it’s the first thing she thinks of.

“No,” Renee says, with a shake of her head. “I would prefer if you just… stay here, with me. Please.”

“Okay,” Allison agrees, reaching to run her hand through Renee’s hair again. “I can do that.”

Renee relaxes into Allison’s touch, finally letting all the tension knotting her body up go in one long sigh.

Now that Renee seems more oriented and present in the moment, Allison winds her arms slowly around Renee and pulls her closer. She tucks Renee against her chest and presses a soft kiss to her forehead.

“Thanks,” Renee mumbles, making herself comfortable against Allison’s chest, nose brushing against her neck.

Allison huffs quietly. She wants to tell Renee there’s no need to thank her, that she would and _will_ do anything to make sure Renee feels safe and happy. But then Renee yawns, and Allison holds her tongue in case Renee’s getting close to sleep again.

So she just runs one of her hands lightly up and down Renee’s back, and they shift closer together until Renee is pressed flush up against her.

They stay like that for a while. Allison’s not sure how long, exactly, as she doesn’t dare moving to check Dan’s clock again.  But she doesn’t fall asleep herself until Renee’s breathing slows and evens out, her body relaxing until she's definitely sleeping.

Allison presses one last kiss to Renee’s temple, and then she lets her eyes close, hoping the both of them have good dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> title comes from absolute wlw anthem "know your name" by mary lambert.
> 
> as always, pls feel free to come hmu on tumblr [@trojean](http://trojean.tumblr.com/). i have other prompts like this in my [writing tag](http://trojean.tumblr.com/tagged/prem+writes/), including more renison if that's ur jam !


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